the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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