I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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