...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
