oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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