before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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