3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
