If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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