I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
