Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
