I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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