walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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