I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
