You smell like stripper and shame
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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