I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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