I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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