You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
