Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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