update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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