you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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