Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
