Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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