I want to have your abortion
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
porn star boner night. come get it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Still dying that you shit outside
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
And then he peed in my hair
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