I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
