shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
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