I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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