and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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