Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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