Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
