The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
