I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
