forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
