My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
