The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
