so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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