No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize