I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
