I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
