how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So vagazzling was a success
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
