when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
