I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You made out with two different species that night
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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