he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I need to stop coming to work sober
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
