Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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