You smell like stripper and shame
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
