a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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