Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
