the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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