Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I feel like abortions should bother me more
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
