You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
