I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
