Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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