Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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