Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
