I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize