What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
