Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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