While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
