Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
