ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
