I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
