There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
