I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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