Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
the raccoons are back...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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