So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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