i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
