new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
