i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
