from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
