Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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