I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
