Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
