Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
