And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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