i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
