Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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