I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
