you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
