I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
