I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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