i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i drank out of a bidet.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
