I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize