watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
