So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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