I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
