to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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