I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
