soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
