I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
