And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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