I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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