He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
