She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
