Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
