Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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