i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
