You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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