The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize