3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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