sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
