I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
