how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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