Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
