They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
