The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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