My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
a search helicopter?!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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