This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
