he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
