Moan for me like Helen Keller
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
