I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
