i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
