Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
