office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
