with your own penis?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
