If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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