Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
