just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
