i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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