the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i think my cat just said my name.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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