I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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