there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
