Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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