I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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