The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
COCAINE IS GR8
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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