This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
