I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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