had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
