Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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