can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
