birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
