I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
