Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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