I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
